Stresses

   Living with a severe food allergy never becomes routine but it does become familiar.  You adjust your life and your way of doing things.  You know the foods to buy at the grocery store and the 'safe' restaurants to go to.  It becomes so familiar that you hardly notice the looks from other people as you quickly wipe down a picnic table at a park with a wipe or squirt anti-bacterial on your son's hands after another child touches his ball.  I know some people probably think I'm an overprotective parent or germ-o-phobe and in a way, I guess I am.  But ultimately it comes down to knowing just how destructive a drop of dairy can be if it comes in contact with Tucker.
  On his first day of Kindergarten, I could barely keep Tucker still.  He was so excited to start going to school full time.  My mom showed up to walk him down to school because, as a first grade teacher in the same school, I was already there.  I remember passing him in the hall that first day of school and he had a smile stretched across his face.  I felt so happy knowing we had made the best decision to bring him to the school where I worked.  He already knew most of the staff and they were well aware of his allergies.  Tucker felt safe there.  Later that first day, I received a call in my room from the school nurse.  She told me that a student sitting near Tucker in the cafeteria had opened a yogurt package and some of it splashed on Tucker's face.  She said his breathing was ok but his face was swelling up and she needed me to come down right away.  I quickly grabbed a staff member to watch my class and ran all the way to the nurse's office.  When I saw Tucker, my heart broke.  The one side of his face was completely swollen and his eye was swelled shut.  As soon as he saw me, he said "I'm ok mom.  Really."  He clearly was not ok but he didn't want to miss the rest of his first day.  I wanted to step outside the office and put my head in my lap and sob.  Instead, I told him that we needed to go visit the doctor but he could come back to school tomorrow.  We left school and went to the doctor's office where they gave Tucker steroids.  Within a few hours, the swelling subsided and his eye opened up.  But the damage was done.  Every morning that school year, I had to tear Tucker off of me while he cried because he didn't want to leave me.
   There's a unique bond between a mother and her son.  Tucker and I have always had a special relationship.  He understands, as most young children do, that my job is to keep him safe.  But unlike most children, he has actually seen this in action.  'Safe' isn't an abstract concept for him.  It doesn't just mean holding his hand when we cross a street or putting on his bike helmet.  It means making sure everything he puts in his mouth or comes in contact with will not cause his throat to close up.  He knows I am acutely aware of what food is safe and what food is not.  We are attached and connected in ways that, I think, go beyond a typical parent-child relationship.  I'm sure any parent dealing with a medical situation feels the same way.  I am fiercely protective of Tucker but also determined to have him live as normal a life as possible.